Morph

I am planning my "morphing" stage. Walk, weights, situps... I'm already tired just thinking about how to change the body, but it leads me to how am I going to change the mind. I am on meds for depression, anxiety and PTSD and so far all I am is numb and have issues with my short term memory. So by tomorrow I will have forgotten I posted on here... haha

The song of the month has been "It is Well with my Soul" an old hymn but one of my favorites. The song was written a billion years ago by a man that lost his wife and children and yet he had the faith and strength to continue his faith and love for God. I think about his burden and it makes mine look simple but I cannot get my head and heart to work together.

I think about suicide all the time, it's an issue with the doctors because when they ask have I thought about killing myself, it is always yes and has been for 20 years. Not a new thought, I was just caught this time. Talking to someone seems pointless because I hate talking about my personal issues, makes me feel worse, not better.

To a lighter subject - My daughter lost her last cell phone and I got her a new one. this is her 15th cell phone, not joking, she has dropped others in milk, a toilet, washed it with a load of laundry, lost many... and each time there is such distress in losing her ability to text.. I would love to turn off the computer, cell phone and TV for just 5 days and see what happens. I may try this just to show the kids that their lives are just sitting and talking to people through myspace and texting. Not even using their voices.. wow, when I was a kid I had dolls and match box cars and an Easy Bake Oven, my phone was two cups tied to a string and writing poems on paper.. I guess the paper thing isn't a good way to go as we need to save our trees so I hear.

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