I haven't blogged in a long time. Not sure why, just haven't had much to say.
My daughter turns 18 very soon and that makes me sad, it's my first baby all grown up (somewhat)
My son told me me he has thought of killing himself and is depressed... that about killed me, he said it bothered him that I sleep a lot and I am the only one he can talk to so I stopped taking my meds to make sure I am awake for him... slowing my progress some but he is worth my sanity and life.
I feel sad and bored most the time... not sure what to do with myself, I am so used to working that being at home is hard to do for so long. I need a hobby!
I have been meaning to ask you about Nate - and if he feels he is a loner (someone who doesn't mind being alone by choice) or feels that people don't really like him or has feelings of low self-worth (a loner NOT by choice). I have noticed the few times I have actually seen him this year that there is no little boy in him anymore. I chalked it up to puberty, interests in girls and more adult things (like cars) and confusion about his place in life. It's hell growing up - school being the worst of times and missing the few friends that keep his interests up. I feel if he was in a school where Alex or Carson was would help him find some gravity thus stabilizing his thoughts and interests - friendship being the best thing for him in order to get through the isolation he feels in school. Is there any way to get him in Alex's school? Ask him if he talks to Alex about his feelings of suicide. I'm always worried that he is never around when I stop over and the only time I get to talk with him is on the phone. I'm sure you've discussed this with Todd and I mentioned a little of it to him on Sunday about taking Nate snowboarding - Danni's really interested in it too - but for Todd to do this with Nate would strengthen the father/son bond.
ReplyDeleteI think you should be honored that he can open up to you - it's so important for him to get things off his chest - to help lighten his load. Keep talking to him about anything and let him know how proud you are of him. Ask him hard questions and offer to let him ask you hard questions too. Keep his confidence and when you talk to Todd about what Nate says make sure it is out of Danni's range of hearing. Don't go off your meds - if you crash you will be no help to him then. Take them later in the day or take them in increments that will keep you lucid. I don't know how religious he is (I think maybe a little, eh?) so you need to find something that comforts him like music perhaps - ask him.
as far as a hobby is concerned I think you have the makings of a fine amateur entymologist! The Cat Faced spider was in my frickin' dreams last night - thanks alot, kiddo. When you get old they'll call you the bug lady (which is kinda cool)rather than the cat lady (which is kinda weird).
lol... I scared you, eh?
ReplyDeleteI am keeping Nate in the front now as is Todd and Danni. He will survive if it kills me!