Humpty Dumpty

I started blogging as a way to talk about the pain I have suffered and as I am with any mental health Dr. I kinda avoid this topic.
After a few hours looking into stats of what becomes of an adult after abuse.
The statistics were a sad reality for me. One quote was "Once a child has been hit, it's like Humpty Dumpty - you can never truly put that child's life back together"

I do not believe in that entirely but so far has been my case.
Sexual abuse so severe and by many, physical abuse, mental abuse... I have suffered it all.
During these years, I never doubted God but always asked "why me?" Some people believe that God isn't with those children who are being hurt. Some get angry and deny God.
The attempts at suicide, the chronic pain, weight issues, the very thought of being included in a negative statistic makes me angry.I have worked my entire adulthood trying to be "normal" taking comfort I am not an abuser, I am not in a mental hospital.... all those horror stories we have seen involving multiple personalities and in some cases murder.

Another quote:
Sexually abused children are up to 13 times more likely to attempt or commit suicide than other youngsters, a new study has found. Those who experienced four or more types of adverse childhood experiences - specifically being a victim of physical, sexual, or emotional abuse, witnessing their mothers being abused, or having family members who were substance abusers, mentally ill, or imprisoned - suffered significantly more chronic disease. They were 60% more likely to have diabetes, twice as likely to suffer cancer or heart disease, and nearly 2.5 times as likely to have had a stroke. Researchers then measured ten categories of disease risk factors, including smoking, obesity, physical inactivity, depression, suicide attempts, alcoholism, drug abuse, more than 50 sexual partners during a lifetime, and a history of sexually transmitted diseases.

Physical sex was not something I have loved my entire life, so I thank God I have not had many partners.. it has taken me a long time to realize sex between married, loving couples is special and not a violation.

God has a plan for me, that I am sure of. My experiences that have hurt me will somehow help others and glorify God. I am certain of this no matter what.

So, here I sit, on my fence, praying more and more everyday, asking God to take the pencil and add to my plans to best server Him. I have great days and some pretty terrible ones. I take comfort in knowing that is not a statistic but something even the most normal people experience daily.

So how does one survive extreme abuse and become a parent and a wife and most importantly a true believer in God and what God has planed for me?

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, he had a great fall... kings (men of the world) couldn't put him together again. My God can put me together again.